Forbidden Love
by Penelope Clearwater
Summary: *CHAPTER 4 IS UP* Harry's fifth year is not off to a very promising start....regrets, dark times, rivalry and more.
1. Realisations and regrets

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FORBIDDEN LOVE

CHAPTER ONE: REALISATIONS AND REGRET

A/N OK I am really new to this whole fan fiction concept, but I hope you like my story, please let me know what you all think, but don't be too nasty!!

The Hogwarts express thundered Northward, rain lashing at the windows, accompanied by the howling of the wind. It seemed very apt, thought Harry Potter to himself, that the weather mirrored his mood. Usually his impending return to Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry would be nothing less than wonderful. This time however, it was thwarted by the sight that greeted him every time he directed his gaze toward his two best friends, Hermione and Ron. He should be happy for them. He WAS happy for them he told himself firmly. Yet as he watched them, their fingers entwined as Ron whispered in Hermiones ear, causing her to giggle, and a rosy hue to rise on her cheeks, he felt physically sick. Hermione. Sweet, clever, reliable Hermione. One of his best friends. Harry had never expected to feel anything deeper than friendship for the pretty, muggle-born girl. Despite this, the closer she grew to Ron, and the more he tried to fight his feelings, the more he was forced to accept the truth. He had, however unwittingly, fallen for her natural, simplistic charm. 

A contented sigh invaded his thoughts, and, grateful for the interruption, he shifted his gaze downward. Ginny Weasley smiled in her sleep, her head resting comfortably in Harry's lap. He smiled ruefully down at her, and stroked her mass of red curls absent-mindedly. Ginny was his girlfriend now after all, and he loved her. Their relationship had caused conflict at first of course, what with Ginny being Ron's 'baby' sister, but now, everything had settled down, and everyone was happy for them. Especially Mrs Weasley, who adored Harry. He smiled to himself as he recalled Molly Weasleys rapt enthusiasm. Ginny shifted in his lap and her eyes fluttered open, heavy with sleep. She smiled up at her boyfriend before closing her eyes and returning to her dreams.

Harry leant back against the seat and tried to ignore Hermiones incessant giggling. At that moment, the doors to their carriage burst open to reveal Draco Malfoy flanked as ever by Crabbe and Goyle, his faithful side-kicks. Harry snorted – Goyle seemed to have grown even uglier over the summer – if it were possible. 

Malfoy gazed round at them, shaking his head. "Oh sorry" He exclaimed, sounding anything but. "I didn't realise that I had stumbled across a meeting of the dating agency for the useless and the ugly."

Crabbe and Goyle laughed openly.

"Oh yeah, by the way Malfoy, we were just about to ask you to join, you do after all fit the criteria." Hermione commented drily.

"Yeah" Harry added. "But then we remembered – you've already found love with the delightful Goyle – how are the happy couple."

Ron sniggered at this uncharacteristic outburst from his normally laid-back friend.

"Oh shut it Weasley." Malfoy snapped, evidently irritated that Harry had got one up on him. His steely eyes fell on Hermione and Ron, their hands still tightly entwined. Malfoy pretended to retch.

"You two make me feel sick, although I suppose you're quite well suited, Weasleys got no money and Grangers got no looks – a match made in heaven."

Ron responded by telling Malfoy to do something very rude.

"Leave it Ron, he's not worth it." Ginny urged, the younger girl was not as accustomed to Malfoy as the others, and was rather afraid of his sharp tongue.

"And as for you and Potter." Malfoy spat. "Well at least that heifer of a mother you've got might be happy Weasley, could get her hands on some of the Potter cash.

This proved too much for Ron, who leaped from his seat, and squared up to the pale-faced Slytherin boy.

"Say that again you bastard, to my face this time." He yelled, his face now mere inches from Malfoys.

Ginny squealed in horror and buried her face in Harry's shoulder. A combination of the advancing figures of Crabbe and Goyle – both several times larger than Ron – and Hermione tugging his arm, urging him to sit down convinced a reluctant Ron to return to his seat.

"It's alright Gin." Hermione said soothingly, and Ginny raised her head, her pretty eyes fearful and filled with tears. Malfoy laughed coldly, and swept wordlessly from the carriage, his cronies lumbering in his wake. As the door slammed Ron was literally shaking with rage. Hermione placed a cool hand on his shoulder, calming him. Across the carriage Harry was doing much the same with Ginny. Neither Hermione nor Harry shared the Weasley's tendency to get worked up so easily, and they often shared a private joke about it. Hermione glanced up at Harry to find he was already studying her intently, searching her face – but for what? She wondered. However, as their gazes met, Hermione was not expecting to feel the way she did as she gazed into his deep green eyes…….


	2. The arrival

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CHAPTER TWO

THE ARRIVAL

Disclaimer: All characters so far belong to the God-like JK Rowling. Ah this is the gangs fifth year at school, and Lupin has been reinstated as dada professor! 

A/N: OK, chapter 2 is up, hope you like it, I know I put this under a romance, but it's really gonna be a bit of everything! The gang return to Hogwarts, and things are about to get DARKER!

Harry shook his black hair out of his eyes irritably as he wrestled with his enormous trunk, while trying to keep Hedwig under control. The massive white owl was screeching unrestrainedly, shocked that her owner had had the nerve to keep her locked up for so long. Ginny stood next to him, by his side as usual. Harry sighed. He had always found her clinginess endearing, but as he glanced at Hermione and Ron, who were teasing each other playfully, he envied them their happy-go-lucky, casual relationship. With a last tug Harry heaved his trunk off the train, only to have it burst open, showering the ground with his belongings. Gritting his teeth, Harry began to stuff objects randomly back into his trunk, while Ginny chuckled softly at his side. Struggling to see through his rain-soaked glasses, Harry fumbled in the gutter, searching for his moneybag.

"Oh for God's sake Potter, if you went any slower you would be going backwards." Came the sarcastic voice of Draco Malfoy. 

Harry whipped round, squinting and trying to think of a rude comment to throw at the sneering boy. Malfoy beat him to it.

"Of course, it might help if you had window wipers fitted to those things first!" He crowed, gesturing towards Harry's glasses.

The joke was not funny in the slightest, however Crabbe and Goyle almost wet themselves laughing. Muttering under his breath Harry snatched his moneybag and promptly tripped over the hem of his robes, falling flat on his face. Malfoy was almost paralysed with laughter. Pansy Parkinson, a nasty Slytherin girl screeched like a demented house elf. Shaking with suppressed anger, Harry picked himself up with as much dignity as he could muster and lugged his belongings into the nearest horseless carriage.

"You should know better than to let him get to you." Ron chided gently.

"Oh shut it Ron." Harry snapped, his temper getting the better of him. "I didn't see you staying too calm on the train."

The moment the words left his lips he regretted them. It had been a low blow and he knew it.

"Listen Ron, I'm sorry…I…" Harry began, but he realised he was wasting his breath. Ron, looking hurt, was staring out of the window.

Hermione looked pained. Eager to keep the peace, she put her arm across Ron's heaving shoulders while flashing Harry a small smile. They passed the rest of the journey in silence.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

On their arrival at the castle Harry hopped out of the carriage, eager to patch things up with Ron and begin the term amicably. His positive attitude was dampened almost immediately on hearing an all too familiar sound.

"HARRY, HEY HARRY! Alright! I've been dying to see you! Have a good summer?" The squeaky voice of Colin Creevey, a fourth year Gryffindor, and Harry's biggest fan penetrated the air.

"Hi Colin." Harry said, sounding particularly unenthusiastic. Colin didn't seem to notice.

"Hi Ron, Hermione!" Colin squealed, delirious at seeing his hero again, and throwing an admiring glance at Ginny. Harry slipped a protective arm around Ginny's waist. Hermione looked annoyed, and turned away, while Ron greeted Colin equally unenthusiastically.

"Look Harry, I made you something and I brought you a present from my holiday – LOOK!"

Colin thrust a gaudy card at Harry. It was crudely homemade and endowed with the inscription 'Welcome back to the best friend ever!' Harry missed the sentiment entirely but tried to sound sincere as he thanked Colin and unwrapped his present.

"A book on the history of magic in ancient Rome – gee, erm thanks Colin, uh that's great."

Harry was sure his lack of enthusiasm must have been evident in his voice but judging by Colin's reaction – he looked as though he had just been picked to play Quidditch for England – it couldn't have been.

Leaving the trembling Colin in their wake, the bedraggled quartet made their way up to the huge wooden doors at the castle entrance. Ron reached out a dripping hand and turned the large brass handle. Harry was dreaming of the magnificent opening feast as they stepped into the entrance hall.

Immediately they realised something was amiss. The castle walls, usually dancing merrily by candlelight, were dark. Stumbling slightly, they followed the familiar path to the great hall. Harry became aware of a burning sensation in his scar, which only added to his unease. They took their seats at the Gryffindor table. Being one of the last to arrive, they could not fail to notice the sombre faces of the faculty – apart from Severus Snape, who was trying to suppress a smile – the black drapes decking the hall, and the nervous bubbles of chatter around them. Harry's stomach tied in a knot – something was evidently very wrong. The knot tightened as his eyes fell upon the empty chair at the long faculty table. The chair that normally belonged to Professor Lupin, defence against the dark arts Professor, and one of Harry's close friends. A quick glance at Ron showed that he too had noticed. Their petty feud forgotten, Harry and Ron exchanged worried looks. Tightening his grip on Ginny's hand, Harry waited for Dumbledore to address the group. Albus Dumbledore did not keep them waiting long. The customary single handclap he used to silence the students was unnecessary. A hush spread around the hall as he took to his feet and cleared his throat.

"I have only one announcement to make, and as you have probably guessed it is not a happy one." Dumbledore said solemnly."

"Remus Lupin is dead."

A/N: da da daaaaaa!! Hope you like!! Please review!!


	3. The darkest day

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CHAPTER THREE

THE DARKEST DAY

A/n: Firstly thanks so much everyone for reading, reviewing and being soooo nice!! PLEASE KEEP IT UP!!! I luv ya for it!! Special thank you to ~*Ginny*~ whoever you are for being so great!! So ~*Ginny*~ this chapters for you…. Hope you like!!

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except the plot but you all know that anyway so enjoy!!

A noticeable chill swept through the Great Hall as Dumbledore continued his impassioned speech.

"Professor Lupin was considered by many – myself included – to be the greatest defence against the dark arts teacher ever to grace Hogwarts. More importantly to most of his students he was more than a professor – he was a friend."

Harry was rooted to his seat unable to move, speak or even think clearly. Lupin was dead. LUPIN WAS DEAD. The phrase repeated itself, over and over, more unwelcome each time, with a quiet persistence. Beside him he heard Hermione sobbing softly and he felt a rush of sympathy for her. Harry slipped an arm around her shoulders as Dumbledore went on.

"A few of my colleagues feel that it is unnecessary for me to tell you how Lupin died..(Harry noticed Professor McGonagall shooting a particularly frosty glare at Dumbledore) But it is my belief that you should be allowed a chance to understand." He inhaled deeply, acutely aware that every pair of eyes in the hall was fixed on him.

"Remus Lupin was killed en route to Hogwarts earlier today by one of the unforgiveable curses."

A gasp was audible all around the hall.

"As you will be aware, the unforgivable curses are so named because it is unforgivable to use them on another wizard."

Harry felt the lump in his throat grow, until it was impossible to control it any longer. Angrily he gave in and allowed a solitary tear to slip down his cheek. Horror stricken Ron looked at his friend with deep empathy. He had never seen Harry cry. Biting his lip, Ron pulled the shuddering Hermione towards him. Harry became aware of Ginny, trembling visibly by his side. He tightened his grip on her hand, until he felt his fingers would snap.

"The best we can do is attempt to carry on as before, and allow the guards of Azkaban to take care of the hunt for Lupin's murderer. As I am confident they are very capable of doing. A slight grimace crossed the headmaster's face. It was common knowledge that Dumbledore despised the Dementors. "I would ask you to raise your glasses in a toast to Remus Lupins memory." 

There was a great scuffing of chairs as the students got to their feet, raising their goblets and muttering Lupins name. The Slytherins remained defiantly in their seats, as did Snape. Dumbledore looked disappointed but said nothing.

Everyone sat down after what seemed like an eternity – a very awkward eternity with no one knowing quite how to behave. The hall, usually bubbling with the swapping of holiday stories while everyone tucked into the sumptuous welcome feast remained quiet. With the exception of the Slytherins of course. Malfoy was entertaining the gloating table with a colourful re-enactment of Harry tripping up at the station. It was well known that Malfoy, and indeed most Slytherins had disliked Lupin. Draco sat down to rapturous applause, a self-satisfied grin on his skinny face.

"Bastard." Ron murmured under his breath, his voice full of hatred.

Harry knew Ron was trying to help, but he had never felt less like talking in his life, even if the conversation involved slating Malfoy. Hermione sat up, wiping her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I just can't believe it, it's so awful…." She was overcome with a fresh wave of tears and buried her face in Ron's chest. Before he had time to stop himself, Harry found himself wishing whole-heartedly that he could trade places with Ron. He wanted to punch himself. How could he think of himself given the situation? Next to him Ginny looked pale and somehow very young.

"It's alright Gin." Harry said in what he hoped was a comforting tone, desperately trying to control the tremor in his voice. With an anguished cry she flung her arms around him.

"Oh Harry, you're being so, so brave and you were closest to him and I feel so stupid and……" Her voice trailed off as she gulped and hiccuped through her tears.

"Sssshhh, it's alright…" He soothed. Her outburst caused him to succumb to a wave of…almost guilt. Why wasn't he overcome with emotion? In his heart he knew however, that his grief ran deeper than theirs. He was still in shock and would have to face his upset later.

After a very uncomfortable fifteen minutes during which no one had been able to eat much (except the Slytherins, who had put away enough food to keep Dudley busy for a month) the Great Hall began go empty, students trickling away to common rooms and dormitories. When Hermione, Harry, Ginny and Ron had mustered the energy to get up and leave, the place was all but deserted. As they trudged along the corridor they had the extreme misfortune to run into Draco, Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy. 

"D'you know what I think Crabbe?" Malfoy said in a sing-song voice.

"Not NOW Malfoy." Hermione hissed, almost pleadingly.

Draco continued regardless.

"Lupin had it coming to him and I think I know who killed him……I bet it was that Sirius Black."

"You've gone one step too far this time Malfoy!" Ron bellowed, tearing his hand from Hermiones vice like grip and lunging at Draco.

"Seperiatumus." Came the cool, self-assured voice of Snape from somewhere behind the group.

The impact was astounding. Ron flew through the air and landed in a crumpled heap of arms and legs at the opposite end of the corridor. Malfoy stumbled backward, unnerved and nursing a bloody nose.

"The hospital wing Mr Malfoy." Snape said amiably. "As for Mr Weasley I think a weeks detention scrubbing the floor of my dungeon should teach you not to let your fists do the talking so readily in future." He sneered glaring at Harry, as if daring him to stick up for Ron. Harry knew better. Snape was undoubtedly itching for an excuse to give him detention too.

"Severus…surely under the circumstances you have been somewhat heavy-handed?" Came the reassuring voice of Minerva McGonagall. Harry was surprised to hear a quaver in her normally steady voice and a glance at her face confirmed that her eyes were distinctly glassy.

"Harsh but fair." Snape replied tartly before turning and sweeping away, his cloak billowing behind, lending him a likeness to Dracula. McGonagall clamped a hand to her mouth and hurried off in the other direction. The remaining Slytherins grinned cockily. Harry shook his head in disgust at this latest display of Snapes biased attitudes and the four of them (including a miserable Ron, who was nursing a bruised arm as well as a bruised ego) trailed up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room.

The fire was crackling brightly despite the sombre mood of the students gathered around it. Harry did not stop however, heading straight up the stairs to the circular tower dormitory he loved so much. His friends recognised his need to be alone and remained in the common room with Fred, George and Lee. On entering the dormitory Harry found Seamus, Dean and Neville admiring Dean's holiday photos from his trip to California. Taking one look at Harry's stricken face Dean stood up awkwardly.

"C'mon guys lets go……somewhere else."

Neville evidently did not catch on, subtlety not being one of his strong points.

"Eh? Why? Show Harry the photo of that gorgeous cousin of yours too."

Seamus and Dean dragged the confused Neville from the room. Harry flashed them a grateful smile.

"No problem mate." Seamus muttered.

Alone at last, Harry flopped down on his vast four poster bed letting his sorrow envelop him. It was a relief to let the hot tears flow and he sobbed unrestrainedly. Wiping his eyes with his hand, he allowed it to trail carelessly on the floor. Harry sat up as if he had been shot, his heart beating wildly as he felt a warm, rough tongue lick the salty tear drops from his fingertips. 

Sirius Black had returned.

A/n: That's all for now!! Please REVIEW!! More soon if you like this!! Bye Bye! ;-)


	4. Reunion

REUNION ****

REUNION

A/N: Sorry it has been so long, and above all, sorry this is so short. I'm still in the middle of exams y'see..Erm, this is just a little bit of development, giving you all something to think about! Someone is gonna turn out evil….can you guess who? I just decided the other day. This isn't my main fic, that'll be posted soon. O.k that is it for now, those of you who haven't already, please check out my other story 'The Practicalities of Potions' only one chapter posted so far – it's Hermi/Snape, but very mild so far – just be warned!

Disclaimer: Yes, these characters are all mine, every one of them….ahh come on – you know they are not!

The enormous, shaggy black dog emerged from under Harry's bed. It had been a tight squeeze –despite being severely emaciated, Padfoot was by no stretch of the imagination small. The dogs outline shimmered, mingling with the background and for a moment it was difficult to distinguish human from canine. Quickly, a mans body shot upwards. Despite his over-riding grief, Harry found it impossible not to marvel at the complex magic involved in becoming an animagus. Harry found himself gasping as he gazed into the face of the man who, only moments ago he would have given his Firebolt to talk to. However, faced with the reality of his godfather, he had lost the power of rational speech. Sirius had wasted away beyond all recognition. His handsome face was hollow, not only through physical denial of food, but also with pure grief. His eyes, which could sparkle with mischief and fun, were dead. Sirius' face was masked by an overgrown bush of a beard and his black hair hung well below his shoulders, matted and greasy.

"Harry." He croaked, his voice cracking with emotion at the very mention of his beloved god-son.

"Oh God Harry….what, what is going on? Remus….It can't be true…it just can't be."

Sirius could hold back no longer. He lunged forward and pulled Harry to him. The boy clung to him tightly, unwilling to let go. They shared an inexplicable bond – if truth be told, they barely knew each other, yet they felt comfortable in each others company. Harry was so grateful to be held, to cry without feeling ashamed, that he failed to notice that Sirius too was crying. After a moment the older man pulled out of the embrace and looked deep into Harry's eyes, as though searching for something – but what?

"Harry…I need you to think carefully, you must tell me exactly what happened here today…I don't know what's going on – the only thing that I'm sure of is this is dark…very dark…." His voice trailed off uncertainly.

Harry gulped, and retold the events of the day as best he could, hesitantly at first, building into a great crescendo of words, pouring from his mouth, as though they would never stop.

"Sirius…it's not….you don't think…well, Volemort…."

"If I'm honest Harry, I understand as little of this as you do, I only know that you….we…have to be VERY careful. If this…person could attack Remus on his way to Hogwart's ….I shudder to think what the extent of their powers could be."

Harry stared at his Godfather, his face ashen.

"You don't think this has anything to do with me?"

Sirius hung his head.

"I wish I could reassure you Harry, really I do….It's just…no….maybe its best…"

"Sirius?"

"It was always said that Voldemort would kill all who were dear to your father – eventually – I just can't help thinking, with Remus gone…"

Sirius looked so guilt-stricken that Harry felt he had to try to lighten the situation. He pasted a smile on his face.

"Well, this makes a change…usually I get to face Voldemort at the END of the year – maybe I'll get to do it at the beginning this time."

It wasn't funny, and Harry had not expected laughter to escape from Sirius' thin lips, the situation was far to grim for that. However, neither had he forseen the response he got.

"Harry! How can you say that? This is not a laughing matter – we could be facing – well, I dread to think what, and the best you can do is joke…"

Sirius' jaw tightened noticeably and his eyes sparked alight – not with their usual, cheerful shine – but with rage.

"I, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…"

"God Harry, no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap…this is not your fault…It's just – under the circumstances – you understand?"

Harry nodded uncertainly, then smiled, just as cautiously. Sirius reached out and gripped his hand.

"We have to stick together."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Meanwhile, in Gryffindor common room, a visibly shaken Professor McGonagall was addressing an unusually sombre group of students.

"I am sure that I do not need to remind you of the severity of the situation. Security around the school has, needless to say been tightened. This means that no one…and I mean NO ONE, loses, or gives out the house passwords."

McGonagall paused, with a meaningful glance at Neville, who shifted uncomfortably under her scrutinous gaze. He was well known for his memory lapses.

"However, the headmaster does not want you worrying unnescecarily….he does not believe that the tragedy of Rem…I mean Professor Lupins death will have any major implications on school life, and the tightening of security is merely a precaution."

McGonagall cleared her throat a little too loudly, as if she did not entirely agree with this.

"Now if you are ready, I would suggest an early night. It's been a long and difficult day, and in light off…"

She stopped abruptly and her voice changed quickly from soothingly reassuring to wildly panicked.

"Wait a minute…where is Potter?"

Her eyes roved the common room anxiously.

"It's ok Professor, he's upstairs..I think he, err, wanted an early night."

Dean piped up quietly.

McGonagall inhaled deeply – visibly trying to compose herself.

"Thank you…erm…yes…just wanted to be sure…err…well…I'll leave you to it…sleep well."

With that, she turned and swept quickly from the room, through the portrait hole.

Ron raised his head wearily.

"Now what…." He said quietly "was that all about?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Back upstairs, in the cool, heady darkness of the dormitory, Harry lay quietly, blissfully near sleep. Sirius sat by him, stroking his hair, talking softly to him.

"It'll be ok, you wait and see Harry, I'm sure we'll find out what's going on soon enough."

"You think so?" Harry slurred drowsily.

Sirius smiled reassuringly and patted Harry's hand. Turning, and crossing the room swiftly, he opened the dormitory window.

"Yes…." He said quietly. "I dare say we will."

Then he was gone. Harry watched him leave blearily, until the dark, reassuring veil of sleep enveloped him, and he knew no more.

A/N: thanks for reading…please leave a review….more soon.


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